It's hard to live with that bastard they call Fibromyalgia.
If you have Fibro, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Day in and day out we're faced with monumental decisions that healthy people consider minimal & insignificant. Take for instance basic hygiene; do I have enough strength to stand in the shower alone or should I soak in a hot tub? If I do get into a beautiful, bubbly bliss how long will it take me to get out of the tub? Ok, those are on the "ok" days. How about when you can barely get out of bed, and when you finally do it's just stumble into the living room just to have a change of scenery? Do you really think Fibromyalgia and other chronically ill patients have perfect hygiene? You do? Interesting.
I've been dealing with Fibro for over 10 years even though I've only been diagnosed officially for less than a year. However, for decades I've been eating fast food, processed foods and tons of sugar daily. Daily! I used to be so depressed and lonely that I found comfort in food. I gained a ridiculous amount of weight for being only 5'2. Short. Fat. Correction, I am short and obese, but I don't look fat. I'm very well proportionate for a thick girl. That's not the point. The point that has finally begun to sink into my bigass head was my health. I've started to take it more seriously recently. Immersing myself in Fibromyalgia research and homeopathic therapies and such to relieve my symptoms is a daily regimen online for me.
I am finally making small, yet significant changes in my eating habits. I'm teaching myself that I don't need a starch with every meal, like potatoes or rice or pasta. I love starch. I'm eating more fresh fruit than I've eaten in years, and frozen vegetables (or raw) depending on how I feel. In the bread category (yes dammit, I know that's starch too) I've migrated from yeast rolls or processed white store bought rolls to sliced 100% whole wheat bread. I use it for toast in the morning, or to cushion my turkey burger at night. Speaking of night, I normally finish my "grazing" by 8pm.
Sugar was my bestest friend of all. Cake. Icing. Cookies. Pies. Icing. Ice cream. Ok, Sugar was actually my boyfriend. We did everything together. Spent many lonely nights with Sugar as my soul mate. I tried breaking up with Sugar more than once in the 20th and 21st centuries, but Sugar always came back stronger and sweeter. Finally, my aunt Cynthia told me about a book called "When Food Is Love" by Geneen Roth and I asked my mom to purchase it for me. My eyes began to open. I don't depend on Sugar as much anymore. If I want caramel cake from Kroger I buy it and eat it. No guilt. I don't forbid Sugar from my world. However I am more aware of how many products Sugar lives in. 100% apple juice. Ketchup. Pancake syrup. Jelly. It's amazing what your mind will conform to when your options are limited.
Often, I'm in so much pain, or so exhausted I don't have the will to get dressed, drive to the store, peruse the bakery, and drive home. Just too much. So, I started buying small candy bars. Almond Joy. It's like sex in a tiny blue & white wrapper. When I ran out of candy, I ate handfuls of the mini-chocolate chips in the pantry. I no longer put honey or sugar in my teas. I don't drink diet soda or use Splenda any more either. If I want a Coke, I buy a 20 oz bottle, drink it in about 2-3 days and I'm done. I mix water into my apple juice to dilute it. None of this is easy, trust me, but any progress is a victory. Don't discount or despise small beginnings.
You know what else has helped? My parents stopped fighting me on my sugar addiction. See, I rebel against anything almost. If you tell me not to do something, I'm going to do it just because I can. The last few weeks they haven't made any negative comments about my eating or my weight. If they don't make a big deal with it, I guess I don't either. My mom even went to a separate store to get me two slices of cake the other day. In the past, I would've devoured both pieces within 3 hours before I went to bed. This time, I didn't touch it for two days. I put it in the refrigerator. I just wasn't craving it. Finally the 3rd day I ate a slice with some ice cream. It was just ok. Not one of the better slices I've had. I waited til the next day to finish it off. I don't care how much I don't care for it, I don't waste cake unless it's hard, dry or stale. Bam!
Adapting a healthy regime as a Fibro patient is difficult, but it's not impossible. Funny. I'm watching the first Mission Impossible as I'm writing this. Life is lonely without Twitter and Facebook man. I'm taking a 7 day hiatus because I was so addicted to it. Talking to myself gets old after awhile, so I'm reduced to blogging. Which, is great, since I'm a writer, and I'm supposed to write daily anyway. It's been less than 24 hours and I miss playing Cityville like a crackhead misses his pipe. I digress.
I suppose this post will turn into a series off Fibro Lifestyle updates so we'll label this Part 1. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go lick a spoonful of Southern Crunch Butter Pecan Light Ice Cream from Kroger. Just one spoon. That's all I need. What I want is...never mind. Not the point. Y'all enjoy the read and I will update you soon.
The Fibro Warrior Princess