Dear Fibro,

I get so far ahead of myself sometimes that I literally have to close programs, shut the laptop down, and turn off everything electric and just sit.

Quietly.

I allow you to overwhelm me because with any semblance of a minor boost of energy, or just enough strength in my body to perform a task, I seize the moment with intense fervor.

See, I never know when you'll rear your ugly head again for a major flare. Hell, I haven't been able to shake the current flare that I've had for months because I kept trying to work my insanely difficult job that stressed me out before I could even leave the house!

Learning to live with your temporary stay in my body (since I'm wholeheartedly believing for Jesus to heal me one day) is a lifestyle change. After years of living a certain way, it's pretty hard to just complete a 180 degree turn. I have so many people with good intentions giving me advice. Eat this. Don't that. Exercise like this. Don't sit like that.

*INSERT BLANK STARE HERE*

Really. Is it that simple? No. No it's not. I would get so frustrated and irritated at myself for "slipping" one day and eating 2 slices of cake. Or going 2 days without showering or eating or even leaving the bed. Oh yeah baby, it's happened on more than one occasion. I'm not ashamed because I'm being real. I say things that others feel they have to keep secret.

Free speech is liberating. I don't care if you judge me. I don't care if you don't understand. And I for damn sure don't care if you talk about me behind my back. I wouldn't wish constant pain like Fibro on my worse enemy. I can't remember the last time I had 100% energy & strength. Maybe I had one or 2 days in September? For a stretch longer than a week it's been since 2010. When my mom, Alex, and I went to Florida for a long weekend that Memorial Day we were humpin' man. Walking, shopping, pulling luggage, running from the rainstorms, and mini golfing in 90 degree heat. Hell, I even played basketball with Alex in that tropic air!

I was definitely tired, and took my share of naps daily while they swam or just hung out, but I had more sinus issues & fatigue than excruciating pain. I was achy, but it was bearable. I'm so happy my mom took us on that trip when she did. We had no idea how "sick" I'd be in 2011. I'm thankful to have a very strong support system in my family. Even my 10 yr old helps me and understands why we stay home so much. Fortunately, he's a sweet boy and hardly ever complains.

I'm not sitting at home having the time of my life. My best friends are Comcast Xfinity and my Acer laptop. They keep me company and occupied. I blog, I research, I write, I search for new ways of generating income. I play social games online, something I have never been a huge fan of. I'm a loner. However, the interaction, is nice. As are the people I've met in Fibromyalgia support groups online. This week has been kinda rough. I'm listless, sneezing, congested, having headaches, insomnia, and lack of appetite all on TOP of the stupid pain.

But like my grandma Emma always told me, if I don't do nothin' else in this life, I better just "keep on keepin' on." I love that woman. Her picture is in my living room. I've never stopped missing her. Probably never will.

It's just about 10:00pm here in Michigan. I'm exhausted. I interviewed a musical artist earlier, and I've been commissioned to write up the biography for the record label. World Shakerz Music. Look them up someday. Instead of rushing through the write up, I had to regroup and take a deep breath. Hence, which is how I ended up starting this post.

And there it is...

Ashara, The Fibro Warrior Princess

Dear Fibro,

Goodness Punk, it's been almost a month since I wrote. December. Cold has settled in which means more challenges for me and my body. Take one step forward and two back when it comes to you Fibro but as long as I keep on keeping on as my grandma used to tell me I win ya' bastard.

Been interesting not working. Difficult financially of course. Thank God I have family and friends to lean on while so many things are pending (appeals, etc.) The relief is the fact that my stress level has decreased by 50% or more! My job is stressful enough, but when you incorporate forcing yourself out of bed, getting dressed for the day and finally getting in the car to GO to work, you're done!

You can't create extra energy with a snap of your finger. You can't decrease the stiffness and pain from mere "regular" pain pills. And my God you can't magically open your eyes and mind to even focus to drive to work because you've had insomnia for 4 days!!! Can you say "danger?"

I love it when people swear they know you, Fibro, and you don't inhabit, interrupt or infect their world

Shout out to my Fibro Facebook Friends. We keep each other sane, strong, and sensible.

Do you know how difficult it is to change your lifestyle 180 degrees? To learn to listen to your body and what triggers certain physical reactions? What to eat, what not to eat, how long to walk, how much to lift, so on and so forth...

Fibromyalgia is a beeotch. And that's all I have to say.

Signed,
Fibro Warrior Princess
Ashara