This Is Me

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West Bloomfield, Michigan, United States
I just live my life the best way I can. Hopefully, God has mercy on me and accepts me into His kingdom when my journey here is done.

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Saturday, November 5, 2011

Dear Funky Fibro,

Your a** has been working my ever livin' nerves today.
I have been on the most insane, emotional carpet ride...and I didn't even take any 'shrooms.

The pain was worse today. No reason why. At least, no reason that I know of. I made myself walk outside, for 15 minutes, with my cane. I moved slower than a drunken snail. Crazy right?

It's always worse on my right side. My right ankle and wrist were very sore. I'm pretty happy with what I accomplished with that walk though. Alex is always happy to see me waiting for him at the bus drop when he gets off. Of course, he runs ahead of me to get to our apt. Hell, I wouldn't want to be seen with the Crip Walkin' Mommy either. My feelings aren't hurt.

Mom came by with more groceries. I feel so horrible that my parents are spending their hard earned retirement money on me! I can't give them anything because I do not have ANY money coming in. You should see me scour the internet for "freebies" everyday. Coupons, samples, I take lengthy surveys to get e-rewards for gift cards. *Shaking my head*

I was on the verge of a serious dip into depression this morning thinking about all of the obstacles I'm facing. My job. The approval (or rather non approval) of disability at this time. Doctors appointments. Christmas for Alexander. The bills piling up. The fact that there are so so many events that I've missed this summer because of you, Fibromyalgia, and the ones that I will more than likely miss coming up.

New Edition will be at the Fox Theater New Years Eve. My God. That is my favorite group EVER. I've been to every reunion concert since 1996. One year, I even went ALONE, and sat in the 3rd row. I had the time of my life. Not only do I not have the money to go this year, but I doubt I'll even have the strength to go.

That in itself, pisses me off to the highest of pissivity.

So, what do I do? I immersed myself in God's word. Everyday I'm here at home, I watch Joyce Meyer, Marilyn Hickey or someone like that. I lay in bed reading the Bible on an app I downloaded for Android. I pray. I don't holler and scream. I talk to God like I talk to you, Fibro. This morning He reminded me:

Philippians 4:6

*The Message (MSG)
 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

God basically told me to simmer down, and let him take care of me. Before you knew it, donations started rolling in, and tears were rolling down my face. To know that my plea for financial help from my cyber community of colleagues was heard just blew me away. Who knows what they may have had to sacrifice in order to bless ME?

Pride is a bitch, man. And as a Capricorn, I have a lot of it. Swallowing that pill hurt. It's amazing how you can have so much going for you one day, and be in the valley of the shadow of death the next. Oh sure, I know there are others who are worse off than I am. I wish I could help them. But I can't help myself right now.

Troubles don't last always. Thank God. I have to pass this "test."
Patience. Trust. Endurance. Faith.
I think tomorrow I'm going to tell you what I think some Christians probably think about me and my "lack of faith" as it relates to my healing and "deliverance" from you, Fibro. It's funny...I digress.

It's almost 1am, I've got yesterday's episode of Days of Our Lives aimlessly playing in the background, I'm hungry, sleepy, and wired all at once. Who DOES that? Oh, right.

Fibromyalgia. Bastard.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my rambles. Many thanks to those who have already given to my support fund. I sincerely appreciate you. I have a long way before I reach my goal, but I believe that it will be met before the end of 2011.

I'm doing the best that I can. My grandmother, Emma Leroy Peyton Evans, always encouraged me to no matter what, "keep on keepin' on." I got you Nana. That's what I'm doing.

The Fibro Warrior Princess

*The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

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